"I Breastfed From a Bottle" (Support Breastfeeding)

Majority of mothers are fully aware that breastmilk is the best for babies. Some of us name it as "liquid gold" (You don't just get it whenever you want it. So precious!) Although there have been an increase in the numbers of mothers breastfeeding their newborns for weeks after birth, many of them stop breastfeeding exclusively or stop breastfeeding altogether due to various reasons.

Possible reasons:

• Returning to work. (especially in Singapore because most of the mothers need/prefer to return to the workforce after their maternity leave has ended.)
• Not able to supply enough breastmilk.
• Baby was not able to suckle well/properly.

The only breastfeeding photo I have. Liv was three days old then.

I wish to share my experience here. I had introduced myself as a Stay At Home Mom in my very first post (in case some of you missed that entry). I have every reason to direct latch Baby Liv and breastfeed exclusively. My breastfeeding journey has not been easy. Fast rewind to the time when I was still in the labour ward after giving birth. Liv was brought to my side after a brief clean up for skin to skin contact and breastfeeding. BUT at that moment, I realised I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT! So much for the childbirth lessons I've attended. Lactation consultant and nurses attended to my endless call button requests, practically each time Liv needs to be fed. They taught me ways to hold Liv while she latched on but she could not suckle well at the breast for long. Liv would latch on successfully when the professionals were around but unlatch as soon as they left my room. Was my way of holding Liv made her uncomfortable to breastfeed? Or was it because she was affected by the epidural administered during labor? I wished someone could enlighten me. Each time I tried to latch Liv for feeds, she would cry so badly that her face went all red and body all tensed up. Just imagine, newborns need to be fed every two to three hours. How many times would I have to watch her cry and struggle at the breast in a day? It wasn't helping when well meaning older generation in the family suggested that I should give Liv formula by bottle when they visited me at the hospital. I gave in under incessantly pressure (which I felt so) from them and also because I could no longer watch my poor baby cry anymore. Liv was supplemented with formula twice. I was in tears when the nurse brought Liv away for feedings. It broke my heart because I was prepared to breastfeed her from birth, to nourish her in a nature's way.  I never stopped trying to latch her. And of course, well meaning family never stopped encouraging me to stop breastfeeding and just use the bottle.

S hired a confinement nanny for me after Liv and I returned home. She was not a pro-breastfeeding person too. She mentioned that it would be more convenient to feed Liv from a bottle with my expressed milk. I finally understood where she was coming from months after. To put it blatantly, it was for her convenience. Neither did she need to bring Liv to me every other hour to feed nor did she need to help me soothe my hungry crying baby while I try to latch her. During her stay with us, the nanny would stood by my side and "advised" me to stop doing so while I tried to latch her. As Liv latched and unlatched, she would start crying. More pro-bottle feeding members in the family would join in. I succumbed and allowed them to introduce the bottle each time they joined forces. The whole pregnancy and birth episode left me all drained out. Too weak from the lack of consistent sleep, the strain from childbirth, blood loss, fluid loss, low blood pressure. I was so so so exhausted. My kins were concerned about the wellbeing of Liv and I. Their advices were out of love and sympathy. But what I needed most from my beloved ones were just one simple act, that was to encourage me to keep on trying. I was in a foul mood (huge hormonal upheaval I was experiencing played a part by the way) most of the time during those first days because I felt helpless and alone. I wished it was easy for me to explain how heart wrenching I felt back then. But all I could manage was sob remorsefully. A month has passed, Liv had gotten used to bottle feeding and she never know how to latch again. As for me, exclusively pumping has became part of my life and bonding with her through direct latch was not an option anymore.

I can never forget those dreadful lonely days in the wee hours of the morning when I was required to stay up and pump to keep my milk supply up. The house was always quiet and dark. Everyone, including Liv was fast asleep, snuggled warm and cosy in their bed. I would doze in and out of sleep as I listened on to the faint suction noise of my electric breast pump.

I can never forget when I was desperately looking for a nursing room to express milk but realised not all places have one. I had to swallow my pride and sat in the cubicles of the toilets to do so. Frequent knocks on my door to hurry up was common, crude remarks could sometimes be heard from displeased ladies in the queue for toilet hogging. My time and effort went to waste each time I expressed milk in the ladies because I had to dump them. Personally felt that they were unhygienic for Liv to consume.

I can never forget the disgusted look from some onlookers while I discreetly expressed milk in public with a nursing cover over what needed to be covered. 

Besides, I'm facing a good deal of hassles too.Warming, chilling, storing expressed milk carefully  under optimal conditions to prevent contamination etc. 

Although I can never direct latch Liv again, I am thankful for the increasing support from my loved ones to continue pumping. S keeps me company whenever he can while I pump. He has been staying up at night to wait for me before we hit the sack at the same time.

There may be disapproving public but I am grateful for kind souls too. I remember meeting this lady in a cafe, didn't get her name because I was too surprised by her kind gesture that I forgot to ask for it. Anyway, lets just call her "Angel". I was pretty sure Angel saw me with my bag of breast pump in one hand and the other with my double chocolate chip frappuccino, walking clumsily towards a table SURROUNDED by many tables. Angel came from behind and gave me a gentle tap on my shoulder as soon as I pulled out my nursing cover and pump from my bag. I must have appeared very embarrassed that she noticed it. "You can have my table, it's by the side, you'll feel more at ease there" she said. DID I JUST MET A SAMARITAN?! She caught me in surprise, I just kept looking at her before regaining my composure and drowned her with many "Thank You". "You're doing something great for your baby" she added. Angel had made my day. (:

Simple gestures like these from people around me has made exclusive pumping more enjoyable.

Most importantly, Liv keeps me motivated to continue pumping . I have learnt that direct latch is not the only way to bond with my baby. 

To our beloved ones and members of the public, support and encourage us. Breastfeeding mothers, be it direct latch or pumping do encounter difficulties along the way as we breastfeed.  We are not trying to trouble ourselves by breastfeeding our babies nor are we trying to allow anyone to have a peep at our bosom. We just want the best for our precious little one.  

Breastfeeding mothers, don't give up! Lets keep calm and keep breastfeeding! 

10 months into breastfeeding and still counting. Liv is growing taller and stronger day by day!

This post is mainly on breastfeeding. To the mothers out there who are not breastfeeding your babies, it does not make you less of an awesome mum!