Two Mothers In One Home: You And Your In-Law.

Photo courtesy of grandparents.about.com

It's been more than a year that Lisa* is living under one roof with her in laws after she got married to her husband. Things looked perfectly fine and harmonious in the family. Frequent family dining, plenty of conversations etc. As a new addition to the family, Lisa was very well taken care of by his husband's family too, they treated her like one of them. It was indeed one big happy family. It wasn't as much of the same as before since the birth of Lisa's first baby girl though. For instance, there are two mothers instead of one in the house. Lisa is one, her mother in law is the other. They have never bickered over anything but this changed when baby arrived in the family. This cute little baby girl is the love of Lisa's life (besides her husband) and is also the precious princess of her grandmother. That was when problems started arising and how "The Clash of the  Mothers" began. Both Lisa and her mother in law wants to shower baby girl with love and care in THIER OWN WAYS.

Man are made uniquely different. That said, mothers are unique individuals too. Because of the indifferences in caring and loving Lisa's baby, there were many times Lisa and her mother in law got into "friendly" disagreements. They did not raise their voices, it was more like a "try to keep the smile" while they debated. But deep down, both of them weren't exactly happy. Neither of them were to blame, It just happened that the two caring mothers are loving the same baby...under one roof.

Lisa was very determined right from the start to raise her baby the way she wants. Well, it did not turn out the way she wanted it to be. Somewhere, somehow, her ways just get interfered with. Living under the same roof, no one want things to turn ugly in the family, Lisa too, longed for peace in the family. Thus, she does not know how to make it clear to her mother in law in the nicest way so that she will fully return Lisa her rights to raise her own baby and still not be offended.

Lisa perfectly understands that everything her mother in law has done for her baby was good. They were acts of love to her baby but she couldn't help having occasional meltdown. Her mother in law's presence around her baby makes Lisa nervous. People said anxiety and moodiness are part of baby blues and they will go away when the body feels better from childbirth. They never really go away In Lisa's case. The intensity of her anxiety level pretty much fluctuates like a roller coaster. Her baby is one year of age now and she is still tensed. She has never stopped worrying..

When baby was on total milk feedings, she was worried that her baby was being overfed or underfed.

When baby first started crawling, she was worried that her baby got placed in the baby walker all the time to "learn walk and skip crawling".

When baby looked at adults' food in curiosity before she hits 6 months mark, she was worried that her baby was fed with food. (Lisa's worry was valid, being extra careful wasn't overreacting because what if her baby really did had a food allergy and she was fed with it?) 

And when baby first started solid food, she was even worried that her baby was fed with all sorts of food.

The list just goes on and on and on... 

Most of the time, Lisa gets her say over her baby. But as long as there are two mothers in the same house, she has never been in full control as a role of a mother. The two mothers in the house have 2 complete different set of ways on caring for babies. Lisa believes its never too early to allow her baby to start being independent. While on the other hand, her mother in law believes she needs to "do it all" for baby because she is very young to understand independency. Lisa has lost count of the times she had bury her head in her pillow and cried behind closed door. No one really is able to sympathise with her, perhaps except for the mothers' support group she is in where some mothers are facing the same complicated issue as her. Her relationship with her husband suffered too. Poor middleman husband comes home from a long day at work and find Lisa all sullen on many days. They communicated, they argued and then made up with each other, only to start the same cycle over again the next day.

It excites Lisa to know that she and her husband's home is finally going to be ready in a few more months to come. She loves the joy and unity in the family, she loves her extended family. But its time to return everyone in the family their deserved space (literally) and freedom. There are blurred boundaries while staying under one roof, where it can be easy for each other to butt into one another's life unknowingly. There is no right or wrong to stay together with in laws under one roof, but Lisa believes the family ties will be strong or if not, stronger when they live close but not too close together...