Turns out, We Are Raising Our Daughters The Wrong Way All These While!

Recently, I met up with a stay at mother for an afternoon tea. Just like me, she has a daughter too, probably just a couple of months older than my 15 months old baby. We have attended several mothers' group gatherings together and she seemed like a nice lady who was always keen to share baby care tips among us. Surprisingly, our meet up was not what I've expected though. I felt ridiculous and insulted at the end of our tea session. Cut long story short, our entire conversation revolved with her telling me on how parents can give as much as possible to our daughters, even if it is to cut down on essential expenses so as to save money for our daughters to wear well, eat good and go to expensive classes. She strongly believes that daughters should be treated like princesses in order to grow up into cultivated women. I couldn't disagree more but I didn't want to start a debate with her because she seemed really proud of how she took great care her princess. As we bid farewell at the end of our meeting, she gave Liv one last look and turned back to me. With a serious tone in her voice, she said, "I have been wanting to tell you this from the moment we met just now.. Perhaps you should start raising your child well.. Do give Liv the best, she needs to wear better clothes." I got really offended. Was she implying that I am not raising my child well because Liv was not wearing clothes that she thinks was good enough?! I handpicked every single pieces of Liv's clothes, making sure they are all made of comfortable quality materials! I did not expect such insensitive hurtful words to come from that lovely lady I had always thought she was. Anyway, no one has ever seen this woman who dresses her baby in Baby Dior and I appearing at the same time in group gatherings again since then.

 “富养女” is widely practised by many. It means to let the daughter lead an abundant life.

Some parents provide limitless material comforts and money to their daughters unconditionally even under unacceptable circumstances, excusing daughters from all sorts of house chores that they believe will ruin their precious little girl's delicate hands and also signing them up for arts and music classes, in hopes of them growing up into an elegant and tasteful fine lady. Like the lady I've chanced upon, these good intentions parents may be unaware of the true meaning of "abundant" all these while.

Abundant life does not refer to "wealthy life". The true meaning of it is to amply nurture our daughters mind and moral character. Not be arrogant but be modest. Not be bossy but be assertive. Not be ignorant but be knowledgable. Not be insensitive of others' feelings but be considerate. That said, there's nothing wrong giving the best to our daughters, just don't over do it. You can save up every pennies to "cultivate" your daughter but she is more likely to grow up into a spoilt "princess" who wants everything her way instead of who you originally wanted her to be. Material comforts and money are probably not proper ways to "mold" our girls into capable grown ups. An outstanding fine lady can only be nurtured in an environment where her family instils the right ways of life and moral to her from the very beginning..

• The more INITIATIVE you take, the more DILIGENT she'll be.
• The more you want to BE YOURSELF, the more INDEPENDENT she'll be.
• The more CONFIDENT you have, the more SELF-ASSURED she'll be.
• The more TRUTHFUL you are, the more HONEST she'll be.
• The more COMPASSIONATE you are, the more KIND-HEARTED she'll be.
• The more POSITIVE you are, the more APPRECIATIVE she'll be.

Family teaching and influence is crucial...

Lastly, a word to all selfless parents.. It must have been hard on you but you know what? You don't have to give up yourself just so that you can put in your 200% effort on raising capable children. Pamper yourself, continuously improve yourself and don't forget to love yourself as you love your child. When they see the change in you, a fresh you who is happy with your life, they will take you as their role model and want to be like you. Your influence is the greatest. It is beyond any material comforts they can have and any classes they can ever attend.

"Children are mirrors of their parents."  First, make our lives an abundant one and they will soon follow.. (: