Monday, 1 January 2018

Goodbye, My Only Child..

2 years ago, I wrote a blog on having just one child here. Back then, S and I were very firm with our decision. We wanted just Liv and only Liv, she was the best gift of our lives.

About 9 months ago, I felt unwell. The same sick feeling I had when I was pregnant with Liv. The positive result on the pregnancy test kit caught us by surprise (because we practise "caution" :x ) We visited the OB, that was when we heard Baby E's heart beating steadily and saw her tiny forming body for the first time. Waves of emotions overwhelmed me, I was overjoyed (it was love at first sight all over again) and at the same time, I couldn't help but felt lost. 

What about my firstborn?
Will I have time for her like I used to? 
Can she or rather all of us adapt to the changes?

I couldn't remember the times I teared up as I looked on at my fast asleep firstborn. We have such intimate mother-child bonding and the thought of not just she and I in the future, ever again, breaks my heart. After all, I was certain we would stop at one child. 

But then again, as my pregnancy progresses, so are our excitement to meet Baby E.  

At 39weeks pregnant, we (including Liv) are looking forward to welcome Baby E and dealing with what I call a "temporary separation anxiety".. we are indeed becoming more emotional..

Dear Firstborn, 
Ever since we broke the news to you that you are going to be a big sister, 
you have been extremely loving. 
You call yourself "big sister", 
kisses my tummy, 
and "talks" to your unborn baby sister. 
You have been asking on a regular basis, "when will I meet my baby sister?".

We can see how excited you are to meet her.
But at the same time, 
we can sense your anxiety too...

Those days when you were reluctant to sleep in your own room,
insisting on snuggling in our bed.
Those days when we were right beside you and
you would still tell us "Daddy, Mommy, I want you". 
Those days when you simply cried, 
wanting to be carried
and did not want to let go.
Those days when you looked at us 
and said "I love you"...

Don't be afraid, our firstborn. We love you as much as we did from the beginning. 
You first made us parents,
you taught us how to care for you first and so we can care for baby sister too.
You made us fall in love with you first and so we knew what is love to our children.
You're our bundle of joy just like your baby sister will be. 
We will always hold you both dearly, for as long as you and baby sister need us...

Love, Mommy & Daddy

Before Mommy goes into labor, let me hold you close once more, a little while longer.. 
Just you and me..
Photo inspired by Photographer Laura Paulescu

Our family dynamics might have changed, but our love for one another stays strong and constant.
S and I will try our best to be the best of parents to our beautiful children
and we are sure, 
Liv and Baby E will be the best of sisters. 

Goodbye, only child. And Hello, children. (:

We give thanks to God for blessing us always..