Goodbye, My Only Child..

2 years ago, I wrote a blog on having just one child here. Back then, S and I were very firm with our decision. We wanted just Liv and only Liv, she was the best gift of our lives.

About 9 months ago, I felt unwell. The same sick feeling I had when I was pregnant with Liv. The positive result on the pregnancy test kit caught us by surprise (because we practise "caution" :x ) We visited the OB, that was when we heard Baby E's heart beating steadily and saw her tiny forming body for the first time. Waves of emotions overwhelmed me, I was overjoyed (it was love at first sight all over again) and at the same time, I couldn't help but felt lost. 

What about my firstborn?

Will I have time for her like I used to? 

Can she or rather all of us adapt to the changes?

I couldn't remember the times I teared up as I looked on at my fast asleep firstborn. We have such intimate mother-child bonding and the thought of not just she and I in the future, ever again, breaks my heart. After all, I was certain we would stop at one child. 

But then again, as my pregnancy progresses, so are our excitement to meet Baby E.  

At 39weeks pregnant, we (including Liv) are looking forward to welcome Baby E and dealing with what I call a "temporary separation anxiety".. we are indeed becoming more emotional..

  

Dear Firstborn, 

Ever since we broke the news to you that you are going to be a big sister, 

you have been extremely loving. 

You call yourself "big sister", 

kisses my tummy, 

and "talks" to your unborn baby sister. 

You have been asking on a regular basis, "when will I meet my baby sister?".

We can see how excited you are to meet her.

But at the same time, 

we can sense your anxiety too...

Those days when you were reluctant to sleep in your own room,

insisting on snuggling in our bed.

Those days when we were right beside you and

you would still tell us "Daddy, Mommy, I want you". 

Those days when you simply cried, 

wanting to be carried

and did not want to let go.

Those days when you looked at us 

and said "I love you"...

Don't be afraid, our firstborn. We love you as much as we did from the beginning. 

You first made us parents,

you taught us how to care for you first and so we can care for baby sister too.

You made us fall in love with you first and so we knew what is love to our children.

You're our bundle of joy just like your baby sister will be. 

We will always hold you both dearly, for as long as you and baby sister need us...

Love, Mommy & Daddy

Before Mommy goes into labor, let me hold you close once more, a little while longer.. 

Just you and me..

Photo inspired by Photographer Laura Paulescu

Our family dynamics might have changed, but our love for one another stays strong and constant.

S and I will try our best to be the best of parents to our beautiful children

and we are sure, 

Liv and Baby E will be the best of sisters. 

Goodbye, only child. And Hello, children. (:

We give thanks to God for blessing us always..

I Am Married To A Man A Decade Older Than Me.

"He's too old for you.", "You will not be happy", "It won't work out". These were the common remarks from friends around my age. Have ever come across insignificant people in my life who label me as "gold digger" too. But who cares? I don't care. I believe S is "the one" for me.

S and I got married some day last year..

S is 13 years my senior but that did not affect our relationship because age is just mind over matter. We don't mind so it doesn't matter. In fact, we gain more from our age difference (I learnt more from him actually :p). S has been sharing the years of life experiences he has had ahead of me, both positive and negative ones. At times, he would suggest worthy opinions and alternative solutions to matters. I am a better listener and decision maker since. Besides, he is more involved with our family as he has been spending years of his youth to build a considerably stable career, he has more time for us. Probably all women, even the most capable one who ever existed wish their partner can spend adequate quality time with them, I am not an exception. The only two possible things I could think of that he has learnt from me is to have more tolerance and patience. Sometimes I could see the raging fire in his eyes as though he is going to lash out at me, but he didn't. Instead, he keeps his cool as he tells me off (nicely). Hey, it's still an age gap after all right? I promise I'll not take for granted! :D

No doubt, we laugh and we share, occasional disagreements between us are inevitable. It is not about being married and stay harmony without arguments for the rest of our lives. It is the desire to want to continue staying together even if we do. Just recently, while we were having a dinner date on a Saturday night, S casually expressed the agony he had felt shortly after I gave birth to our baby girl. Baby blues got the better of me and I was always in an angry state. S recalled those days when we have constant communication breakdown and how I was crying over spilled milk day and night. We were on the verge of telling one another to "go live your life on your own". Well, of course we didn't, we prefer to live our lives together. *laugh* Anyway, it was S who reminded me that it was just a passing phase and was extremely sensitive of my emotions during that period even though it was also a stressful period for him. We have been learning to be more attuned to each other's feelings and to be more understanding towards one another, most importantly, we communicate. I thank God for such rational and emotionally mature man in my life who is willing to guide me along the way.

There have been many moments when I caught myself staring at him while he was busy with his work and stuff. His presence reminds me of God's grace, He has given me a loving husband, a great friend and a wise mentor, all in one person, whom I can experience life hand in hand with.

To my married friends and married couples, marriage can easily slip into a complacent routine that's a little too comfortable if we do not make some sort of effort regardless of any age differences between our partners and ourselves. My humble suggestion for a progressive marriage? It's the "3 Cs" I'm practicing.

Communicate + Cooperate + Continue Dating = Marriage with Love & Chemistry

P.S. I am glad that I have chosen to ignore those unnecessary remarks and harsh judgements. I deserve to feel love and loved by the right person.