Goodbye, My Only Child..

2 years ago, I wrote a blog on having just one child here. Back then, S and I were very firm with our decision. We wanted just Liv and only Liv, she was the best gift of our lives.

About 9 months ago, I felt unwell. The same sick feeling I had when I was pregnant with Liv. The positive result on the pregnancy test kit caught us by surprise (because we practise "caution" :x ) We visited the OB, that was when we heard Baby E's heart beating steadily and saw her tiny forming body for the first time. Waves of emotions overwhelmed me, I was overjoyed (it was love at first sight all over again) and at the same time, I couldn't help but felt lost. 

What about my firstborn?

Will I have time for her like I used to? 

Can she or rather all of us adapt to the changes?

I couldn't remember the times I teared up as I looked on at my fast asleep firstborn. We have such intimate mother-child bonding and the thought of not just she and I in the future, ever again, breaks my heart. After all, I was certain we would stop at one child. 

But then again, as my pregnancy progresses, so are our excitement to meet Baby E.  

At 39weeks pregnant, we (including Liv) are looking forward to welcome Baby E and dealing with what I call a "temporary separation anxiety".. we are indeed becoming more emotional..

  

Dear Firstborn, 

Ever since we broke the news to you that you are going to be a big sister, 

you have been extremely loving. 

You call yourself "big sister", 

kisses my tummy, 

and "talks" to your unborn baby sister. 

You have been asking on a regular basis, "when will I meet my baby sister?".

We can see how excited you are to meet her.

But at the same time, 

we can sense your anxiety too...

Those days when you were reluctant to sleep in your own room,

insisting on snuggling in our bed.

Those days when we were right beside you and

you would still tell us "Daddy, Mommy, I want you". 

Those days when you simply cried, 

wanting to be carried

and did not want to let go.

Those days when you looked at us 

and said "I love you"...

Don't be afraid, our firstborn. We love you as much as we did from the beginning. 

You first made us parents,

you taught us how to care for you first and so we can care for baby sister too.

You made us fall in love with you first and so we knew what is love to our children.

You're our bundle of joy just like your baby sister will be. 

We will always hold you both dearly, for as long as you and baby sister need us...

Love, Mommy & Daddy

Before Mommy goes into labor, let me hold you close once more, a little while longer.. 

Just you and me..

Photo inspired by Photographer Laura Paulescu

Our family dynamics might have changed, but our love for one another stays strong and constant.

S and I will try our best to be the best of parents to our beautiful children

and we are sure, 

Liv and Baby E will be the best of sisters. 

Goodbye, only child. And Hello, children. (:

We give thanks to God for blessing us always..

Turns out, We Are Raising Our Daughters The Wrong Way All These While!

Recently, I met up with a stay at mother for an afternoon tea. Just like me, she has a daughter too, probably just a couple of months older than my 15 months old baby. We have attended several mothers' group gatherings together and she seemed like a nice lady who was always keen to share baby care tips among us. Surprisingly, our meet up was not what I've expected though. I felt ridiculous and insulted at the end of our tea session. Cut long story short, our entire conversation revolved with her telling me on how parents can give as much as possible to our daughters, even if it is to cut down on essential expenses so as to save money for our daughters to wear well, eat good and go to expensive classes. She strongly believes that daughters should be treated like princesses in order to grow up into cultivated women. I couldn't disagree more but I didn't want to start a debate with her because she seemed really proud of how she took great care her princess. As we bid farewell at the end of our meeting, she gave Liv one last look and turned back to me. With a serious tone in her voice, she said, "I have been wanting to tell you this from the moment we met just now.. Perhaps you should start raising your child well.. Do give Liv the best, she needs to wear better clothes." I got really offended. Was she implying that I am not raising my child well because Liv was not wearing clothes that she thinks was good enough?! I handpicked every single pieces of Liv's clothes, making sure they are all made of comfortable quality materials! I did not expect such insensitive hurtful words to come from that lovely lady I had always thought she was. Anyway, no one has ever seen this woman who dresses her baby in Baby Dior and I appearing at the same time in group gatherings again since then.

 “富养女” is widely practised by many. It means to let the daughter lead an abundant life.

Some parents provide limitless material comforts and money to their daughters unconditionally even under unacceptable circumstances, excusing daughters from all sorts of house chores that they believe will ruin their precious little girl's delicate hands and also signing them up for arts and music classes, in hopes of them growing up into an elegant and tasteful fine lady. Like the lady I've chanced upon, these good intentions parents may be unaware of the true meaning of "abundant" all these while.

Abundant life does not refer to "wealthy life". The true meaning of it is to amply nurture our daughters mind and moral character. Not be arrogant but be modest. Not be bossy but be assertive. Not be ignorant but be knowledgable. Not be insensitive of others' feelings but be considerate. That said, there's nothing wrong giving the best to our daughters, just don't over do it. You can save up every pennies to "cultivate" your daughter but she is more likely to grow up into a spoilt "princess" who wants everything her way instead of who you originally wanted her to be. Material comforts and money are probably not proper ways to "mold" our girls into capable grown ups. An outstanding fine lady can only be nurtured in an environment where her family instils the right ways of life and moral to her from the very beginning..

• The more INITIATIVE you take, the more DILIGENT she'll be.
• The more you want to BE YOURSELF, the more INDEPENDENT she'll be.
• The more CONFIDENT you have, the more SELF-ASSURED she'll be.
• The more TRUTHFUL you are, the more HONEST she'll be.
• The more COMPASSIONATE you are, the more KIND-HEARTED she'll be.
• The more POSITIVE you are, the more APPRECIATIVE she'll be.

Family teaching and influence is crucial...

Lastly, a word to all selfless parents.. It must have been hard on you but you know what? You don't have to give up yourself just so that you can put in your 200% effort on raising capable children. Pamper yourself, continuously improve yourself and don't forget to love yourself as you love your child. When they see the change in you, a fresh you who is happy with your life, they will take you as their role model and want to be like you. Your influence is the greatest. It is beyond any material comforts they can have and any classes they can ever attend.

"Children are mirrors of their parents."  First, make our lives an abundant one and they will soon follow.. (:

Caring for my baby with Pampers Baby Dry.

Advertorial

Giving my baby the best in every possible ways within my means..

hoping she would grow up healthily and happily..

Mothers-to-be and new mothers face one common problem. That is, "What suitable products to get for my baby?" I was in that confused state too, overwhelmed by the huge selections of baby products. One thing I was very concerned about was the type of diaper for my baby. Diapers play an important part during babies' growing years, at least for their first two to almost three years (depending on individual's development progress) where wearing them are inevitable. I strongly believes that a good diaper is essential for the healthy development of a baby because quality diaper equates to more sleep, more movements and less chances of having skin irritations. That translates to a generally happier baby who can focus on learning and exploring. So, what is my best bet for diaper choice?

It got to be PAMPERS BABY DRY!

You probably would think this is an advertorial, of course I would promote Pampers as much as I can. But as a mother myself, I may be able to empathise with mothers too. We want to provide the best for our babies in every possible ways within our means. I sincerely hope to share every goodness I get to know with all loving mothers. 

Before that, I would like to share my past experiences on diapers...

It was not a hit on target on diapers, there were many trials and errors before I finally found the perfect suitable fit for her. The first baby diaper which Liv used was Brand X, the one which is widely used in local hospitals. Just one day old, Liv had mild red rash at her nappy area. Many babies have swollen genitals during the first few days of birth so as a first time mother, I presumed that was the cause. I continued using the starter pack of X which was given to Liv to use at home even though I had a pack of newborn diapers, Brand Y ready for her. As soon as Liv wet her diaper each time, her bottom started becoming red. Brand X was not even damped with her urine! Again, I thought it was normal for the redness to come and go, that it should probably subside in a few days time. I could still remember two days after returning home from hospital, Liv had to go back to the hospital again to check for jaundice as she had a slightly higher level of bilirubin levels upon discharge. We were out for barely four hours and she was already crying so badly. It turned out to be a bad painful looking rash around her nappy area. I realised I've made a grave mistake! The redness she had been having was far from being normal, it had been causing irritations to her bottom all these while! Poor girl! We finally swopped her to Brand Y diapers. Nappy rash never happened again since then.

Seems like problem solved isn't it? NOT YET! There was this issue that bothered husband and I although Brand Y provided good comfort wear and Liv had zero negative reactions to it. Brand Y is said to be superb in absorbency but because Liv has always been a heavy wetter, she had wet her pants on many occasions when I changed her. Friends who swear by Brand Y for their babies suggested that I could change Liv's diapers more frequently and initially, I did. But because babies use many diapers each day and everyday. And the fact that Brand Y is slightly pricier than many diaper brands in the market, I felt the need to look for a better and affordable alternative.

So, the third diaper, Brand Z came along. It was recommended by my confinement nanny. At that time, it made sense to believe her since she over a decade of experience with babies. Brand Z provided good absorbency (occasionally leakage but that was fine), good breathability and has a wetness indicator sign. There was one thing I didn't like about Brand Z. The sides of the diaper is a little too rough for babies' tender skin, it sometimes causes abrasions to the inner folds of Liv's thighs. Nevertheless, I felt it was a better choice among the three brands and make do with it until Pampers gave me a chance to discover the ideal diaper for my baby. Pampers has since became my most trusted diaper brand.

So why did I choose Pampers?

Initially, I was skeptical about trying Pampers on Liv because I have had quite a handful of negative experiences with different brands of diapers. Pampers Baby Dry diapers appeared to be thin and  I wasn't sure if they are absorbent enough for a heavy wetter like Liv. Since Pampers are the leading brand for diapers, I decided to go ahead and give them a try. They must be good with something in order to be ranked world's number one, isn't it? And yes! Pampers Baby Dry is incredibly awesome! Liv had her very first try on Pampers Baby Dry one night and the next morning when I gave her a fresh diaper change, I was amazed by how highly absorbent it was. The diaper was heavily soaked with a night of pee but I could feel no moist against Liv's skin, her bottom was kept unbelievably smooth and dry! She used to get restless in bed on some nights when her diapers were too wet against her skin and the fact that she co-sleeps with me, I got woken up by her several times a night. I realised she has been sleeping well through the night since day one after switching her to Pampers. No more tossing and turning nor waking from sleep due to discomfort. A well rested baby is a happy baby and a well rested mother is a happy mother too! Thanks to Pampers Baby Dry, Liv's sleep is not compromised, she gets quality sleep that she needs. She is an even happier and alert baby now, always eager to explore her surroundings. As for me, I am more attuned to her needs and less temperamental.

Superior dryness allows Liv to have better sleep..

She is well-rested...

more alert...

Eager to learn new things..

and HAPPY!

Well, I cannot recall the number of times I cried along with Liv when she developed diaper rash. It really broke my heart to see her cried badly, her high pitched cries sounded so painful. I felt like an inferior mother who was unable to take good care of my baby. It pained me to see her all sullen and cranky each time she experienced diaper rash. These frustrations which she and I were facing were finally over when we were first introduced to Pampers Baby Dry. Its soft touch layer effectively absorbs wetness away from Liv's skin and keeps her dry all the time. It is like a barrier between Liv's skin and her urine. It prevents moist and stickiness. Her bottom is always smooth to touch! And the best part is that I never have to worry about any sorts of skin irritations she may experience again.

Less worries..

More bonding..

Another plus point of Pampers Baby Dry is it's cottony cover. So far the softest diaper among all diapers I've tried on Liv. I'm pretty sure she loves them because she is VERY agile now! Its important for babies to roam around as much as possible because I believe that's when they master the fundamental movements and move with confidence and control on their own. In order for our cutie pies to want to take their first move, we need to first provide them with a comfortable wear so they feel unrestricted with their movements. Liv is now moving around so much that I consider following behind her as a workout. :p I could see that she is at ease while she crawls and walks, practically all of her movements are so carefree!

Moving around..

Climbing up and down..

Lastly, getting Liv to change ain't easy job. It looks more like a wrestling match than a diaper change session. She squirms and never stays still! I needed to tape and re-tape the diaper sides over and over again to make sure they are wore properly and comfortably for her. Sometimes I re-taped the sides so often that the sides are torn. When I first gotten my first pack of Pampers Baby Dry, I was excited to know that it comes with stretchy tape sides. They are such an easy wear! It allows me to adjust to Liv's waist fit with a breeze. Always "right on target" while still providing maximum comfort around her waist! 

I personally feel that Pampers is more than just a diaper maker. Its diapers are thoughtfully designed, taking into considerations on all aspects of a baby's needs and growth. It makes me feel that they too, care for my baby's healthy development like I do.. Liv's healthy development is my number one concern and I am happy to have found Pampers.

Liv has been using Pampers Baby Dry for more than two months now. No diaper rash, no leaky diapers, and no fuss diaper change! She is definitely one bubbly baby now!

Pampers Baby Dry is my trusted diaper choice. So is Liv's! :D

*This article can also be found on Singapore's leading digital parenting magazine, Asianparent. 

Click on the link below to visit the page:

http://sg.theasianparent.com/best-baby-diapers-singapore-pampers/

A Great Way To Understand Your Baby And Him Understanding You.

Ever wish your baby can express his needs by telling you instead of crying in distress? They can if we, parents are willing to teach them a way to. But how? Sign language may be a way.. 

Baby Liv knows how to express her needs for hunger and thirst before she learns to talk. I started sign language with her when she was at a tender age of six months old. Of course, I felt silly because it was like talking and making weird actions to myself. But I believed she would eventually understands me. One day, at nine months old, Liv started signing back at me. I was having lunch  magazine while she was busy crawling around the room. Then, I heard constant 'baaa baaa baa..." from her. Was she practicing her speech? NO! As I looked up at her, she was looking back at me impatiently with one hand holding onto her Gerber cereal snack and the other hand doing the "eat" sign! She was telling me that she wanted some snacks to eat! I was ecstatic!

Baby Liv is curious with everything around her and teaching her sign language is in fact one of the best thing to do to allow her to explore even further. 

There are so many classes for babies and as a first time mother, I was unsure of what was suitable for Liv to participate in. I understand that babies need a certain amount of exposure to their surroundings. For e.g activities, things, people etc. But at the same time I do not want to pack a string of activities for my baby that may tire her out. She is still young, she needs her own time and as much shut-eye as possible. I believe babies should not be caught up with rigid schedules. They should learn and grow on their own pace day by day, having free time for self exploring. Even if it means to simply roam around the house and pull out all his diapers from the diapers storage. Every little things happening around him is a whole new experience! Well, anyway, a mother friend of mine suggested baby sign language classes for Liv. I hesitated awhile because I was a little worried that sign language might interfere with her verbal language skills, signing rather than talking. It was then that I did some research found many benefits to it!

Stimulates brain development

When learning sign language, it requires one to use both left and right hemisphere of the brain. Whereas when learning just spoken language, it only uses the left hemisphere of the brain. Research had found that children exposed to sign language as babies has a 12 points higher I.Q. at eight years of age than non-signing children. Wow!

Improved confidence

Babies feel the increased confidence with their ability in expressing their needs. Their thoughts and feelings are easily put across. They may develop an eagerness to learn and are more willing to try a new activity. And because they understand signs, they know what is to come, they sense security and is more confident too.

Increased vocabulary and language skills

Parents are worried that sign language might hinder their child's verbal language development but in fact, research indicates that signing may actually improve vocabulary and language. Parents tend to describe more and emphasise each words we say as we sign, that in turn allow our child to be able to develop verbal language earlier. The more they are spoken to and engaged with, the more likely they are going to try on their own. 

Less Frustration

Because signing babies are able to communicate their needs, they cry and fuss less. It cuts the frustration levels in both parents and babies. Our little cute pie do not have to stage tantrums and meltdowns while we, parents do not have to keep guessing why they are distraught. 

Closer Bond

Have you wondered how babies think, see and feel? Many a times, I do wonder how Liv looks at the world. How she felt when I leave her for awhile to run errands? Was she excited over her first merry go round ride? Did something frighten her that made her cried? Sign language allows deeper understanding between us and our child. Each time he uses a sign and you respond, you build a strong bond between you and your baby. As he realises that the both of you can communicate even before he can speak to you verbally, he grows to be confident in you and trust you.

Developing a deep connection with your baby that is long lasting and irreplaceable.

Classes for sign language are readily available. Type "Sign Language Classes for Babies in Singapore" on the search engine and viola! A list of schools to choose from. Another alternative to classes is to self teach your babies, which is what I am doing now. The reason being is that I am with her most of the time. I am given the opportunities to incorporate actions in my verbal conversations with her all the time. For example, to bathe, to play, to sleep etc. She gets to communicate with me on  a daily basis too. Classes or self teach, I feel that it is beneficial anyway. Interaction is the key!

Now, at 12 months old, Liv is still practising sign language. She still do not know how to do many signs but she sure does understands me when I sign to her. More fun and less frustration between us! Teaching babies sign language requires consistency and most importantly, patience. They may seem uninterested or not paying attention to you, but they actually are! And one day, they are going to surprise you! 

Liv's hand signs can sometimes be a little off from the actual signs but it is still understandable. Here she was in the picture, signing "more" as I fed her. 

First Birthday Present To Our Baby

Greetings from Japan! The long awaited day is here! Baby Liv is one year old today and we are currently in Hokkaido to celebrate her first birthday. (She is loving the cold weather here!) Not that she can recall of, but S and I promised we would share with her these memories that were also part of hers in the form of videos and photos when she is older. (:

Konichiwa!

Very often, I would watch Liv while she is fast asleep because looking at her brings back the memories of her for the past year. I have witnessed her roll over for the first time, wave her hands for the first time, ate her food on her own for the first time.. She is growing up fast, it felt like I was pregnant with her not long ago...

I remember somewhere around week 16 of my pregnancy, I started feeling small fluttering movements in my tummy. It felt like my stomach was grumbling, as though it was digesting the food I just had. Liv's movements became more apparent to me as days went by. On some days, I would let out an "Ouch!" instantaneously. And on some nights, I would be jostled awake. Her strong karate jabs and somersaults could sometimes hurt a little but they were assuring. It was as if she was using her movements to tell me, "Mommy, I'm strong and healthy, so please do not worry." S was equally excited over her movements too. We spent every night before bed to sing and talk to her. We would gently massage my belly, hoping to feel her little elbow or knee against our palms. Sometimes if we were lucky, we probably got what it felt like a fist bump from her. The movement of life inside a mother-to-be can be the most amazing feeling she can never forget. It was a kind of indescribable bonding with my unborn baby then. (:

A day before Liv's estimated due date, she decided that she was ready to meet mom and dad. A sudden sharp pain hit me while I was sleeping. It was nothing like the usual braxton hicks I had been experiencing in the last few gestation weeks. Right then, I understood what mothers meant when they said "you'll know it when it is the real deal." Don't bother asking anyone or looking up the internet on how real labor pain feels like because it's true, I knew I was in labor when the contractions started! I could barely walk when the contractions became more regular. I was huffing and puffing with every step I took. They were way more painful than any sort of stomach cramps that I have experienced. But thank God for a considerably short labour. Well, a little fast that S and I were unable to react. >.< Baby was delivered minutes after I was told to start pushing! Liv probably felt the same way too because she looked kind of bewildered by the sudden change of environment. *laugh* One thing for sure was that she seemed to sense our presence, her cry ceased as soon as we received her from the nurse. I cradled her in my arms, her tiny body against mine. I took in her baby scent and our eyes finally met each other for the first time. At that moment, the world around me seems to come to a pause. I have been waiting to see her all these while. I used to look at her ultrasound pictures everyday, picturing her over and over again. The lips of mine, the nose of S... "She's so beautiful", I thought to myself. It was indeed love at first sight. Nine months of pregnancy related discomfort and the intense pain during labor did not matter anymore because Liv is worth it all..

"Being a young mom means that we met a little early, but it also means that I get to love you a little longer."

Today, my tummy is no longer firm and flat, neither is my hip small enough to fit into a size 0 again. But no one can bring me down by shaming me of my saggy tummy and widened hip because it is a new shape with a purpose. I love my current body more than ever and I am not shy to say that I am proud of it. It has created a new life, a miracle that I called "my child". So do all the mothers, don't feel upset nor ashamed of your postpartum body. They once provided the best environment for our babies to grow, they are beautiful. (:

Something to share with all of you, and eventually to Liv..

Our 1st birthday present to our little girl this December...

Happy 1st birthday, Liv.

With Love, 

Mom & Dad

Done with One Child.

Baby Liv was born about a year ago in December and she has already brought abundance of joy to the family. Friends and relatives have begun asking when will we plan for a second baby too. The truth is, we are good with just one child. Liv is growing up fast and as much as possible, we want to be there for her as she reaches her milestones. We are enjoying the moment very much now.

To top it off, living in Singapore is similar to living in a big rat race where it can sometimes be too stressful to juggle with work and child at the same time. S is working and I will eventually rejoin the workforce. We are not sure if we can still spend as much time with her if another baby comes along too. And the fact that the standard of living here is high, more kids equal to more expenses. We feel that we should not be stretched too thin financially. It may sound practical but this is reality: the more we own, the more we need to maintain. It applies to having more children too.

Insufficient sleep for months had took a toll on my overall mental and physical health. I was always tired and moody. Liv never slept before 2am and woke after 830am when she was a newborn. She took cat naps which never lasted more than fifteen minutes and she would wake the moment we placed her down.  As she approaches her first birthday, things get easier, she has her sleep routine figured out and has stopped waking for night feeds. Bygone are those sleep deprived days! I am finally getting a full eight hours uninterrupted snooze that I longed for and would appreciate it to stay this way. True that every babies differ, baby number 2 may be a great sleeper but as long as there is a baby in the house, parents generally have less sleep.

Aside from all I have mentioned, the main reason I am good with one child is because I'm afraid of going through pregnancy again. I naturally overthink during my pregnant days. "Is my baby growing well?","Healthy?", "In good position for birthing yet?", the list just went on and on. Not many people, probably only S and my close kins and friends knew of this. I had a detailed ultrasound scan when I was five months pregnant with Liv. That day was unforgettable. It was a Tuesday, S and I woke up before our alarm could wake us. We were both excited and looking forward to see our little one's growth progress. The scan result came as a surprise to us, it was not something that we would have expected. Our gynae had made an abnormal finding in Liv's tiny heart. She was found with aberrant right subclavian artery (ARSA), where the ARSA was not seen in the normal position, it was seen crossing behind the trachea, towards her right arm, arising as a fourth branch of the aortic arch. Here's a picture for better understanding:

Left diagram shows a normal structure of a heart. Right diagram shows one with ARSA. (Picture credits to sonoworld.com )

Gynae explained that ARSA is found in about 1.4% of the normal population but a higher rate of ARSA is observed in foetuses with Down Syndrome. He suggested that I get an Amniocentesis (withdraw small amount of amniotic fluid from the sac that is surrounding the baby) done to check for any chromosomal abnormalities. It took two weeks for the precise results to be out but it felt like years. Thank God all went well, Liv was okay. But Gynae added that even if baby is normal, there is a possibility that the condition can cause respiratory and feeding difficulty. Our worry was not over until Liv was born, until she could drink milk and eat solids with no problem. Sigh of relief, I knew I was done riding the emotional roller coaster.

See! Liv is more than just healthy, she is very healthy!

True enough, by having Liv only will shortchange her of the chance to have an important relationship, a relationship with her sibling(s). But we wouldn't be worried that our little girl will feel lonely because she has mums and babies meet-ups, play dates and soon, preschool. She will learn how to navigate relationship struggles and resolve conflicts as she socialises extensively with other children. It may not be necessary to have siblings to pick up these abilities.

Fearlessly explore the world that awaits you because Mom and Dad is here to guide you..

S and I believe it is more important to focus and nurture our children, making them successful and useful to the society rather than merely boosting the population of the nation. Of course, we would not dismiss any possibilities of having another baby in years to come. Thinking may change over time and future is unpredictable. But as for now, we have decided not to multi-task and to focus on one child, placing our full attention and undivided love on her. The best part of having one child? We managed to strike a balance between work, family and life. We are overall a happier person. (:

Plentiful of hugs and kisses for our girl!

This post is solely on our personal views and decision. Parents have their own opinions on children which differ from other parents. Let's not judge and respect one another's choice in life. (:

"I Breastfed From a Bottle" (Support Breastfeeding)

Majority of mothers are fully aware that breastmilk is the best for babies. Some of us name it as "liquid gold" (You don't just get it whenever you want it. So precious!) Although there have been an increase in the numbers of mothers breastfeeding their newborns for weeks after birth, many of them stop breastfeeding exclusively or stop breastfeeding altogether due to various reasons.

Possible reasons:

• Returning to work. (especially in Singapore because most of the mothers need/prefer to return to the workforce after their maternity leave has ended.)
• Not able to supply enough breastmilk.
• Baby was not able to suckle well/properly.

The only breastfeeding photo I have. Liv was three days old then.

I wish to share my experience here. I had introduced myself as a Stay At Home Mom in my very first post (in case some of you missed that entry). I have every reason to direct latch Baby Liv and breastfeed exclusively. My breastfeeding journey has not been easy. Fast rewind to the time when I was still in the labour ward after giving birth. Liv was brought to my side after a brief clean up for skin to skin contact and breastfeeding. BUT at that moment, I realised I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT! So much for the childbirth lessons I've attended. Lactation consultant and nurses attended to my endless call button requests, practically each time Liv needs to be fed. They taught me ways to hold Liv while she latched on but she could not suckle well at the breast for long. Liv would latch on successfully when the professionals were around but unlatch as soon as they left my room. Was my way of holding Liv made her uncomfortable to breastfeed? Or was it because she was affected by the epidural administered during labor? I wished someone could enlighten me. Each time I tried to latch Liv for feeds, she would cry so badly that her face went all red and body all tensed up. Just imagine, newborns need to be fed every two to three hours. How many times would I have to watch her cry and struggle at the breast in a day? It wasn't helping when well meaning older generation in the family suggested that I should give Liv formula by bottle when they visited me at the hospital. I gave in under incessantly pressure (which I felt so) from them and also because I could no longer watch my poor baby cry anymore. Liv was supplemented with formula twice. I was in tears when the nurse brought Liv away for feedings. It broke my heart because I was prepared to breastfeed her from birth, to nourish her in a nature's way.  I never stopped trying to latch her. And of course, well meaning family never stopped encouraging me to stop breastfeeding and just use the bottle.

S hired a confinement nanny for me after Liv and I returned home. She was not a pro-breastfeeding person too. She mentioned that it would be more convenient to feed Liv from a bottle with my expressed milk. I finally understood where she was coming from months after. To put it blatantly, it was for her convenience. Neither did she need to bring Liv to me every other hour to feed nor did she need to help me soothe my hungry crying baby while I try to latch her. During her stay with us, the nanny would stood by my side and "advised" me to stop doing so while I tried to latch her. As Liv latched and unlatched, she would start crying. More pro-bottle feeding members in the family would join in. I succumbed and allowed them to introduce the bottle each time they joined forces. The whole pregnancy and birth episode left me all drained out. Too weak from the lack of consistent sleep, the strain from childbirth, blood loss, fluid loss, low blood pressure. I was so so so exhausted. My kins were concerned about the wellbeing of Liv and I. Their advices were out of love and sympathy. But what I needed most from my beloved ones were just one simple act, that was to encourage me to keep on trying. I was in a foul mood (huge hormonal upheaval I was experiencing played a part by the way) most of the time during those first days because I felt helpless and alone. I wished it was easy for me to explain how heart wrenching I felt back then. But all I could manage was sob remorsefully. A month has passed, Liv had gotten used to bottle feeding and she never know how to latch again. As for me, exclusively pumping has became part of my life and bonding with her through direct latch was not an option anymore.

I can never forget those dreadful lonely days in the wee hours of the morning when I was required to stay up and pump to keep my milk supply up. The house was always quiet and dark. Everyone, including Liv was fast asleep, snuggled warm and cosy in their bed. I would doze in and out of sleep as I listened on to the faint suction noise of my electric breast pump.

I can never forget when I was desperately looking for a nursing room to express milk but realised not all places have one. I had to swallow my pride and sat in the cubicles of the toilets to do so. Frequent knocks on my door to hurry up was common, crude remarks could sometimes be heard from displeased ladies in the queue for toilet hogging. My time and effort went to waste each time I expressed milk in the ladies because I had to dump them. Personally felt that they were unhygienic for Liv to consume.

I can never forget the disgusted look from some onlookers while I discreetly expressed milk in public with a nursing cover over what needed to be covered. 

Besides, I'm facing a good deal of hassles too.Warming, chilling, storing expressed milk carefully  under optimal conditions to prevent contamination etc. 

Although I can never direct latch Liv again, I am thankful for the increasing support from my loved ones to continue pumping. S keeps me company whenever he can while I pump. He has been staying up at night to wait for me before we hit the sack at the same time.

There may be disapproving public but I am grateful for kind souls too. I remember meeting this lady in a cafe, didn't get her name because I was too surprised by her kind gesture that I forgot to ask for it. Anyway, lets just call her "Angel". I was pretty sure Angel saw me with my bag of breast pump in one hand and the other with my double chocolate chip frappuccino, walking clumsily towards a table SURROUNDED by many tables. Angel came from behind and gave me a gentle tap on my shoulder as soon as I pulled out my nursing cover and pump from my bag. I must have appeared very embarrassed that she noticed it. "You can have my table, it's by the side, you'll feel more at ease there" she said. DID I JUST MET A SAMARITAN?! She caught me in surprise, I just kept looking at her before regaining my composure and drowned her with many "Thank You". "You're doing something great for your baby" she added. Angel had made my day. (:

Simple gestures like these from people around me has made exclusive pumping more enjoyable.

Most importantly, Liv keeps me motivated to continue pumping . I have learnt that direct latch is not the only way to bond with my baby. 

To our beloved ones and members of the public, support and encourage us. Breastfeeding mothers, be it direct latch or pumping do encounter difficulties along the way as we breastfeed.  We are not trying to trouble ourselves by breastfeeding our babies nor are we trying to allow anyone to have a peep at our bosom. We just want the best for our precious little one.  

Breastfeeding mothers, don't give up! Lets keep calm and keep breastfeeding! 

10 months into breastfeeding and still counting. Liv is growing taller and stronger day by day!

This post is mainly on breastfeeding. To the mothers out there who are not breastfeeding your babies, it does not make you less of an awesome mum!