Turns out, We Are Raising Our Daughters The Wrong Way All These While!

Recently, I met up with a stay at mother for an afternoon tea. Just like me, she has a daughter too, probably just a couple of months older than my 15 months old baby. We have attended several mothers' group gatherings together and she seemed like a nice lady who was always keen to share baby care tips among us. Surprisingly, our meet up was not what I've expected though. I felt ridiculous and insulted at the end of our tea session. Cut long story short, our entire conversation revolved with her telling me on how parents can give as much as possible to our daughters, even if it is to cut down on essential expenses so as to save money for our daughters to wear well, eat good and go to expensive classes. She strongly believes that daughters should be treated like princesses in order to grow up into cultivated women. I couldn't disagree more but I didn't want to start a debate with her because she seemed really proud of how she took great care her princess. As we bid farewell at the end of our meeting, she gave Liv one last look and turned back to me. With a serious tone in her voice, she said, "I have been wanting to tell you this from the moment we met just now.. Perhaps you should start raising your child well.. Do give Liv the best, she needs to wear better clothes." I got really offended. Was she implying that I am not raising my child well because Liv was not wearing clothes that she thinks was good enough?! I handpicked every single pieces of Liv's clothes, making sure they are all made of comfortable quality materials! I did not expect such insensitive hurtful words to come from that lovely lady I had always thought she was. Anyway, no one has ever seen this woman who dresses her baby in Baby Dior and I appearing at the same time in group gatherings again since then.

 “富养女” is widely practised by many. It means to let the daughter lead an abundant life.

Some parents provide limitless material comforts and money to their daughters unconditionally even under unacceptable circumstances, excusing daughters from all sorts of house chores that they believe will ruin their precious little girl's delicate hands and also signing them up for arts and music classes, in hopes of them growing up into an elegant and tasteful fine lady. Like the lady I've chanced upon, these good intentions parents may be unaware of the true meaning of "abundant" all these while.

Abundant life does not refer to "wealthy life". The true meaning of it is to amply nurture our daughters mind and moral character. Not be arrogant but be modest. Not be bossy but be assertive. Not be ignorant but be knowledgable. Not be insensitive of others' feelings but be considerate. That said, there's nothing wrong giving the best to our daughters, just don't over do it. You can save up every pennies to "cultivate" your daughter but she is more likely to grow up into a spoilt "princess" who wants everything her way instead of who you originally wanted her to be. Material comforts and money are probably not proper ways to "mold" our girls into capable grown ups. An outstanding fine lady can only be nurtured in an environment where her family instils the right ways of life and moral to her from the very beginning..

• The more INITIATIVE you take, the more DILIGENT she'll be.
• The more you want to BE YOURSELF, the more INDEPENDENT she'll be.
• The more CONFIDENT you have, the more SELF-ASSURED she'll be.
• The more TRUTHFUL you are, the more HONEST she'll be.
• The more COMPASSIONATE you are, the more KIND-HEARTED she'll be.
• The more POSITIVE you are, the more APPRECIATIVE she'll be.

Family teaching and influence is crucial...

Lastly, a word to all selfless parents.. It must have been hard on you but you know what? You don't have to give up yourself just so that you can put in your 200% effort on raising capable children. Pamper yourself, continuously improve yourself and don't forget to love yourself as you love your child. When they see the change in you, a fresh you who is happy with your life, they will take you as their role model and want to be like you. Your influence is the greatest. It is beyond any material comforts they can have and any classes they can ever attend.

"Children are mirrors of their parents."  First, make our lives an abundant one and they will soon follow.. (:

Who Are We To Judge?

There is a Chinese actress in her late 30s, let's call her M*. M is hailed by critics and netizens as China's queen of television. She is also known for her youthful-looking beauty too. Well, as you become well known and famous, you get more negative (not just positive) comments from people. Some people like you, some people don't. A netizen who obviously isn't a big fan of M criticised her on an online forum with a photo of M's hands below her comment, "Her hands has exposed her age even if she takes good care of her face! Look at her pair of hands, they are so wrinkled!". 

A look back at M's background before she became a rising star in the film industry, she was actually a dishwasher. At the age of 15, her sick parents passed away due to inadequate medical care during the early days. M, as the eldest in the family, became the sole breadwinner of the family. She had to stop schooling to work so that she could provide for her siblings. She washed dishes in restaurants until one day, she was talent scouted by a production company while she was on her way home after work.

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Keith* had been seeing the same old man loitering around his house estate aimlessly for the past few days. The old man appeared to be unkempt and had an unpleasant stench. He ate the leftovers from the diners at the eateries and slept at void decks. It was raining that day when Keith returned home from work. There, he saw the same old man sleeping at a corner of the void deck again. The old man curled up  on the chilly floor, as though he was trying to keep himself warm. Keith felt sympathy and at the same time, injustice for the old man, "He needs to be well taken care of! Where are his children? How can they treat their father in this manner?!". Keith decided that he should make this known to everyone. He snapped a photo of the old man, posted it on his social media with a headline "Unfilial children abandon Dad", only to find out that the old man's children were desperately looking for their missing senile father.

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Brian is a well-to-do man with his own house, own car and is his own boss. Every now and then, there will be people who sarcastically criticise him, "We are poor, unlikely him, he can take money issues lightly because he is rich!". Until they know of his past, they would not think like how they think of him now. At 16, he came to Singapore alone to pursue his studies. His family was not wealthy to start with, he had to depend on his own after his father paid for his school fee. Brian could only afford to rent a small room with a storage cabinet and a bed in it. After graduation, he started working. He was still living in the same room at that time, until one day, he finally had enough money to buy his own place. During the years while living in the rented room, his bed was his study/working table and the floor was his chair. He hunched his back while he studied and worked on his laptop. He stands, walks and sits with a round shouldered slouch now but he has attained his goal. He was not born a rich man's son neither is his success given by anyone, he had worked for it and paid a price for it too.

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Many a time, people are quick to jump into conclusions. Perhaps it is time to speak a little slower, watch a little longer and think a little deeper. Every single person on this planet has a story. Don't judge them before you truly know them because the truth may just simply surprise you. There's a saying that I totally agree with,

 "Don't judge me until you know me.

Don't underestimate me until you challenge me.

And don't talk about me until you've talked to me."

Judging someone else will only mean how insecure the person actually feels of himself. And as in the bible, Jesus had said "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." Before anyone starts pointing fingers, make sure his/her hands are clean.. Instead of spending time judging others, why not do something else that is more meaningful? Because every moment spent judging someone else is precious time wasted..

What do you think? 

2016 New Year Resolutions for a Happier Life!

How was your 2015 so far? If you were having a good year, make it even better this year! And if you weren't, don't beat yourself up because 2016 is here for you! If you have not made any new year resolutions yet, do it now! (:

1. Save up and go on a solo travel to any places/countries you have always 
wanted to go.

When I was a cabin crew, I would explore places of a country on my own occasionally. Be it to a famous attraction or just to a park nearby the hotel. The feeling of having all the time to yourself to plan the day was  indescribable good. Anytime and anywhere at your own convenience. Try it, because we can get too busy and life can be stressful sometimes. We need some time for nothing but ourselves. To rejuvenate our mind and soul, coming back as a recharged and motivated person, ready to start working hard; working well!

Photo taken in 2013. Château De Versailles, Paris

2. Develop a good money sense. 

Before you can save or invest, you need to know your monthly expenses well. Start off with noting down the different expenses for each month. It will give you a clearer view of the essential spendings and the unnecessary expenditures which you might want to do without or cutdown on.

3. Keep Moving!
Let's not let any factors refrain us from leading a healthier lifestyle. It's time to start exercising! You don't need to go crazy on the treadmill for an hour. Start slow and be consistent is the key! Give up 15 to 30 minutes a day of your TV or cellphone time for workouts. You'll probably feel happier after a workout than scrolling the newsfeed on your cellphone and found out that some Hollywood celebrity "surprised" his fans with his new shocking platinum blonde hairstyle. 

4. Make a change to your living space.
Give your home a new look! You can rearrange furnitures, repaint the walls etc. Or anything that gives you a fresh feeling and feels good of your home. Be it having a soft warm side lamp in the living room for better ambience or getting a pot of plant for your balcony.

Photo courtesy of Airows.com

5. Nurture Relationships.
Mom called one day and asked how was baby and I. I could sense that she was longing to see us from the tone of her voice. I felt horrible at that instance, realising that I haven't visited her for quite some time. Caring for my baby shouldn't be an excuse to neglect the rest of my loved ones. I wasn't so busy to an extent I have no time anything else, isn't it?  "Mama, I'll see you tomorrow." Her voice brightened up immediately, "OK! I shall see you tomorrow then!". Understand that people will never be around forever. Don't wait to show your loved ones that you care and love them because they may leave you before you know it. Start today. Every now and then,  give your family or friends you cherish a call or meet up with them.

Even to just have a simple dinner on busy days.. It makes a whole lot of difference. 

6. Challenge your limit.
I have a close friend who has a great interest in property. According to him, he has been spending years on newspaper reading and online research to help him understand more on housing and property. He challenged himself to memorise as many properties prices as possible. And now, he has quite an accurate gauge of the property prices even without having to check on them. He has since became a successful investor. Well, I don't mean that any challenges you post to yourself have to make you successful. Its just that people grow stronger as they surpass their limits over and over again. You'll be surprise how far you can go and how much insight you'll gain as you accomplish the challenge! Challenge your limit this 2016!

7. Be kind to yourself.
Lastly... When matters are not the way you hope it would be, don't beat yourself up. Instead,  be optimistic, knowing that sometimes, some things are irreversible and unchangeable. There is always sunshine after the rain. Be grateful for who you are and what you have. Love yourself too as you love your loved ones!

Wishing everyone a fruitful and happy new year ahead!

How Being a Cabin Crew Had Made Me An Even Better Person.

We have heard it all, " Cabin crew seems to be a glamorous job but it's actually not the case!". Cabin crew hopefuls whom I came across with said that too. Many have claimed that we are "stewardess" by name but are actually one person with many roles at work. A babysitter, maid, toilet cleaner, safety officer etc. Yet there are still so many hopefuls attending airlines' recruitments. Why is that so? My guess (I might be wrong) for the top reason is that cabin crews get to travel worldwide for free. That is one attractive perk isn't it? You get to travel all over the world at no cost and immerse in the countries' cultures, eat authentic cuisines, be lost in their beautiful cities and sceneries etc.

I used to think that way too until I became a cabin attendant in JAL (Japan Airlines), that was just before I settled down and became a stay home mom. There were so much to learn as a crew and I've gained much insight (not weight :p) from my flying days..

Gaining Confidence

I was someone who feared to speak to strangers, it was so bad I could stutter through the entire conversation. Being a crew requires one to communicate extensively with passengers from all over the world. And the fact that I worked for a Japanese company, I had to listen and speak Japanese most of the time. I wasn't shy to speak the language even if I got my sentence structures or words wrong because fellow Japanese colleagues would correct me just like I corrected some of their English. We were all learning together. That made us less fearful and more confident.

Finding happiness

At work, I was required to be of many job roles. I certainly did not like toilet cleaning, but I like to keep my galley clean and tidy at all time. I did not like to arrange newspapers before boarding, but I enjoyed doing nice food plating for my passengers. I disliked storing hefty baggages in the overhead compartments but I loved babysitting children when their parents need some rest. In fact, there were more likes than dislikes. Today, when I feel unhappy to work on a particular task, I would then look for another thing that I like to do so it pretty much will balance up. I am happy at the end of the day. Happiness is in our own hands and cabin crew job had taught me how I can do to be happy each day. 

Cherishing the time spent with family

Crews are not home for all occasions, we are bound to miss a few. Festive seasons, celebrations or even to bid farewell to loved ones for the last time. Both my grandpas passed away while I was in overseas. I received a text from Dad upon arrival to another country that my paternal grandpa had left us. Months later, cousin texted me with an equally devastating news, my maternal grandpa had passed on too, I was going to return home the next day. :( I was not able to bid farewell to any of them. It pained me to know that I will never hear from them anymore. And because of these, it made me realised the importance of spending time with my loved ones.  I cherish every single moment that I get to be with them. Even for a simple dinner, or just a call for a short chat. Don't wait to express our love to our loved ones because before we know it, they might be gone and we will never see them again..

There are more character building opportunities than just simply traveling for free and I'm thankful that I was once a trolley dolley. Flying had made me become an even better person.. (: